This day

It's May 18. Wayne would be/is 77 today.
I guess it is terribly inaccurate to say  is. So be it.

I went to the cemetery yesterday, I suppose to get it done. I mean no disrespect, and I do like the spot we chose for him--and me when I die, which I don't want to do, especially because I know how far down that coffin is. But I do not feel his presence there. Perhaps if I stayed for hours I would.

I left a red rose and a rose-colored carnation in a very humble vase. They are in the corner on his headstone.

What is this about?

Just that he is my husband. I have moved on, so to speak, but I am not "over" it, his death. And by now I may be able to accept that he is "better off." That's been a hard one, although that is what people insist and say.

And I do not consider myself single, which means I do not go to the singles dinners and firesides and so on, no matter how often I'm "invited" or "encouraged" to go or told I really should go because they're so much fun and "so and so" always goes. Like that should matter.

One more time: I'm not single. I'm married. He's just not here. Enough said? I suppose so.

Did I mention I miss him?

A Thought

We believe in life. This life, the life before and a life after with the people we love here also loving us there. 

I believe in that. I count on it. And I hear myself say from time to time it had better be true, all of it. That's what I said when Wayne died, pretty sure I said it when my mother died. I want to see them again, and my dad. 

After all, what good is living if it only just ends in nothing?

The Widow's Plea

My daughter Alyce has one child, the miracle baby, Saxby. He is one outstanding guy.

She also has many friends. One of them has established a web site, gofundme.com/BigBrotherSaxby. Its aims are simple: raise money/make Saxby a big brother.

Give the site a look. Donate, if you can.

Thanks,
Alyce's mom

P.S. Today is the wedding anniversary of Saxby's great grandparents, Wilford and Lola Brimley, my mother and father. It would be 83 years.