The Only Good Snake . . .

In the gutter at the end of my driveway lies a dead snake. I know it's dead. I just went out to check, to be sure it was not going to revive and head back into my garage, which is where I first encountered it when I stepped out the back door. I thought I was going out to check the mail. Change of plans.

I don't know if snakes have ears--I've heard that debated--but this one either heard me or in some other way sensed my presence. It slithered under my car, out of sight, out of reach of the broom I had picked up to sweep it into the street.

After many stoops and squats and bends without finding it, I wondered if it had jumped up into underworkings of my car, perish the thought, but finally found where it had curled up, right about in the middle underneath. I reached in and took a big sweep at it, managing to move it out from under the car. This was a small snake, but like the last one I had to deal with, it raised up to strike at me. I don't like that.

I stepped around behind it and swept again. Again it moved toward me, but two more sweeps put it into the gutter, where I beat it to death. (How does that sound?) At least I hoped that's what I did.

And why did I kill it? Duh. Because it's a snake. Because it was headed for my back door. Because I do not want snakes in my house.

This is a true story, as they say.

All in a Saturday's chores? Maybe. But I hate this true story, hate beating snakes to death, hate that I have to do this stuff. I suppose I should be glad I am able to do it. And, yes, this is about Wayne, bug-, spider-, snake- and other nasty creatures-dispatcher.

And other benefits. Those were the days.

Say Say What?

I hereby take back my apology. The new season of Survivor will be in Samoa. Not in Carno.

So I am free again to engage in mild ridicule. She said, "the devil incarno."

Say What?

You know how this family loves a good word faux pas. Here is today's. Sorry Ann. (I already told her, woke her from a nap to tell her. I said I'm sorry.)

I was watching something about Ted Kennedy, who died Tuesday night, and I must say I did not know what a great man he was. But that is not the story.

Here's the story. A commercial came on for CBS's new season of The Survivor, and the announcer said something like, "This season may have the worst villain in Survivor history." Something like that. Then they showed one participant talking about another participant, and she said, "He just might be the devil incarno."

Yes, I'm quite sure that's what she said, even though CBS has tried to edit the commercial so that the o is not audible. It's the devil incarno.