Christmas Morning

Up early, before 4 a.m., but only because I couldn't sleep any longer. Got my kitchen in order, dishes put away. Had breakfast and went to bed for a an hour or so.

I have listened to the Carpenters. I always think I hear her heart and soul in her singing. Still miss her. Their kind of music has passed away. I bought their Christmas album again the other day and put a bow on it. It's under the tree waiting for anyone who wants it. I really think everyone in my family already has the album, so if no one in my family wants it, I'll find someone who does.

Just now I am listening to The Messiah. How divine it is.

I cannot celebrate Christmas without music. And I must thank my mother for my love of music.

I have finished reading my mother's journal. Her final entry was September 18, 1979--five days before she died. I would say that it made me sad again, but I believe it is sad still. I am also happy and ever grateful for her and what I have and know because of her. A little bundle of energy and intelligence and music and work. She worked hard always and had such a difficult time obeying the doctor that month of September 1979 when he told her she should rest, take it easy, because of her heart. I did not know of this before today.

My children will be here soon, and we will open presents and miss our dad. But we'll have a good time. We had a good time last night. I think, though, that they will be unhappy with what I am giving them. Oh well.