About my mother

I have been reading my mother's journal again. This time it seems to go right into my heart. She did not keep a journal faithfully all her life, but she did keep one quite regularly during the last few years. And she wrote some about her early life, thank goodness. I love knowing about the sleigh rides and Paul Baliff, for instance.*

I have suffered with her through their move--in 1978--to Bountiful, Utah. Turns out it was a good thing because all her kids were there, except Janeen, and she planned to move up soon. But it was agony for my mom and dad to leave all their friends and Allie. They had lived in California for nearly 40 years, most of their married life. They had many friends, friends for life. So hard to leave.

And I suffered with her through Heber Eastman's infant botulism.  That's Eric and Lucile's baby boy, who survived and is a fine man, father of two. But it was six weeks in the hospital and many anxious days and many prayers.

Back to Mama.
Now it's getting harder and harder to read, because I know she has only a year to live. I know that. It doesn't sound, as I read, that she had any notion of that. Her days were spent taking my dad to the hospital for radiation treatments or helping someone in the family or staying with Lucile's children or having everybody over and fixing a big feast for them or just doing. She was one small package of talent and smarts. And she was always doing. Doing. That was her life. That and music. At age 79, she still played as soloist and accompanist and ward organist and still taught piano.

Of course, I am curious to see the last things she wrote but apprehensive, too. And I do not want her to die.
It has been 34 years since she did. Her journal brings her to life again for me. I see her so clearly, love her so much.

* Lola (my mother) was invited to go on a sleigh ride. Her mother said no, but her dad said yes. So she went. Such fun. But on that sleigh ride, Paul Baliff kissed her. I think on the cheek. Next school day the kids were teasing her, saying she loved Paul Baliff. Lola said, "If there's anyone I hate, it's Paul Baliff." I know she didn't mean it, but Paul didn't know that. He did not speak to her for the rest of Jr High and all through high school. Obviously, she noticed. I'm sure both of them were hurt.