Okay, so maybe you don't know this, but I still sometimes say stuff like, "Oh Wayne." Or maybe even, "Oh Wayne. Where are you?"
Out loud.
This is one of those details people--people like me, that is, widows like me--usually don't share with others, believing that others don't really want to know it because they wouldn't know what to do with it if they knew it.
Sometimes it's hard for me to know it, hard for me to hear my own voice say such words at these times. Hard because I don't like the sound of my voice at such a moment, hard because I receive no reply. But they are not planned occasions. Neither are the places of their occurrence planned. It could be in my room or at church or in the car or wherever. It's all quite random, you know.
Somewhere, he is alive. That's what I think.
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